Everyone knows the old baseball analogy with regards to sex. Sadly, I always found that that metaphor lacked enough detail to explain everything that could happen between two people. So, my friend Kara and I, after a couple of drinks, figured out this new football analogy. Now, neither of us really played or totally understood the game, but we knew how the field was set up. So, using our limited knowledge, we created a new metaphor. Hopefully it will take off, but probably not. Anyway, here it is. If anyone has any comments to help explain it better please feel free to let me know.
I would like to make a few things clear first before you read this. One, we got a little mixed up around midfield. Yards 40-70 can/will be changed. Second, we're not saying that all these steps have to happen. This is just the order we put things in from the most "innocent" to the "dirtest". Any one, or all, of the steps can be skipped. Oh, this is a hetrosexual account. Neither of us is gay, so we didn't want to speak about that. Without any further explanation, here it is:
10 yards - hand holding
20 yards - kissing
30 yards - French kissing
40 yards - touching/kissing over the clothes
50 yards - fondling/kissing under the clothes, above the waist
60 yards - touching/kissing under the clothes, below the waist
70 yards - touching/kissing with clothes off
80 yards - manual (aka hand job)
90 yards - oral sex
Touchdown - intercourse
Extra point - simultaneous orgasm
Two-point conversion - anal sex
Developed by Kara & Ryan
The Truth is in the Details
1 comment:
The best part is the 2-point conversion, that's where all it all comes together. . .no wait, that's the extra point.
Crap.
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